I’ve been feeling a little homesick this week – or at least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that it isn’t homesickness I’ve been feeling.
You see, I have no desire to move back home. I’m not in love with Kansas and I never really was. It holds a special place in my heart simply because it’s where I happened to be born and raised, but it’s a chapter of my life that has closed and I’m comfortable keeping it that way. I don’t even feel an urge to move back to the United States. I am looking forward to visiting for a couple months this summer, but it doesn’t feel like it’s time for anything more than that yet. I still have way too much to explore and discover -not only about the world, but about myself.
At the same time, I haven’t felt 100% happy here lately. I feel like I work so much and so hard that I’m starting to lose myself and any concept of a life. I know (or, at least, I hope) that it will be easier next year, when I’ve had a year of teaching under my belt, am more familiar with the culture, and will have more than two days to plan out my curriculum. More and more, especially as the weather starts to get warm again, I’ve found myself daydreaming about the past and longing for easier days.
It’s not homesickness I’m feeling at all; it’s nostalgia.
Nostalgia for the days when my friends and I could get together almost any night of the week and have an amazing time doing nothing.
Nostalgia for the days when I had all the time in the world to learn and create.
Nostalgia for the days when my husband and I could come home from work or school, go out for an amazing cup of coffee, and then come back and order pizza, watch a good movie, and maybe play a round or two of whatever video game we were addicted to at the time.
It’s odd to be feeling this way because I’m generally a very future-oriented person who doesn’t dwell too much on the past. Still, it’s been getting to me.
One thing that has been helping me get through it is listening to some of my favorite music from my formative years. I really miss the way I used to have time to discover new music and share it with my friends. In that spirit, I thought I’d share a little sample of my favorites from that time that I’ve been jamming to again lately, in case anyone else out there has been feeling the same lately and wants to check it out:
This River Is Wild – The Killers
Yankee Bayonet – The Decemberists
Nature of the Experiment – Tokyo Police Club
Mouthwash – Kate Nash
Ghosts Under Rocks – Ra Ra Riot
Don’t You Evah – Spoon
Dirty Business – The Dresden Dolls
Casius – Foals
Nantes – Beirut
This Tornado Loves You – Neko Case
It’s been a work in progress trying to carve out more personal time so I can enjoy living in the present more often. Yavaş yavaş. The good news is that I’m leaving for GREECE in less than 24 hours and we only have one more term before we’ve officially survived our first year teaching! Time really does fly.